Secrets
by Elfwarriorgirl
Summary: Tumnus comforts Lucy and ends up telling her about his mother.


Lucy stood outside, facing the fountain that sat in the middle of the garden. A gentle breeze had appeared and Lucy could feel a cool mist hitting her face. She closed her eyes and relished the chance to get away from the chaotic life of a queen. It was dusk outside, the perfect time, Lucy thought. She loved when it started to get dark and the stars began to show up in the night sky. Everything was so peaceful at night, unlike the day when everyone always seemed to be running around, busy doing things.

"Lucy?" Came a reluctant voice from behind her.

Lucy turned to see Tumnus standing a few feet away, green scarf around his neck. His hair blew in the wind and he had a concerned look on his face. Tumnus gazed at her, hands clasped in front of him as if he was stopping himself from reaching out and touching her.

"Are you all right Lucy?" Tumnus sounded worried, his voice quiet.

Lucy, unable to find her voice, shook her head, wisps of hair flying around her face. Reaching a hand up she moved to brush the hair out of her eyes. In the moment that she went to lay her hand back down, Tumnus moved swiftly forward and gently grabbed her hand. Standing next to her, he enclosed her hand with his, holding it as a friend would.

"What's wrong Lucy?" His voice was filled with kindness, he truly cared how she felt.

"I'm homesick." Her words came out in a whisper, floating on the breeze, and vanishing as quickly and softly as they had come. Closing her eyes, Lucy tried to stop the tears from forming in her eyes but it was no use, and soon they were flowing down her cheeks.

The sobs that racked her body caused Tumnus to wince in sympathy. Gathering the young woman in his arms, Tumnus held her against his chest, rocking back and forth slightly as he did so.

"Hush now, It's all right."

Lucy tried to calm her breathing as she spoke. "It's my mothers birthday. Tumnus, I miss her so much."

"Do you always get this sad on her birthday?" Tumnus asked, hoping he wouldn't regret his words.

"Yes, I do."

"Why have I never known?"

"Because I never allowed others to know."

Tumnus didn't say anything, and as he held Lucy close, his eyes drifted up to the bright moon, shining down. He saw that it was a half moon, just waiting for the night when it would be whole. Similar to Lucy, Tumnus noted. And he always knew, with a hint of sadness, that Lucy could never be whole until she went back home to her mother and father. But until then he hoped he could comfort her in any way possible.

"Tumnus." Lucy said, her head still resting on his chest. "Did you ever know your mother?"

Tumnus sighed, slightly startled by the sudden question. He didn't know if he was ready to answer, but he could try."Uhm, no. I didn't know her."

"What happened to her? Did she leave?" Lucy still sounded sad but with a touch of curiosity.

"No she, uh, she died."

"Oh Tumnus, I'm sorry! I didn't know!"

"No, it's not your fault. I rarely talk about it with anyone."

"Well we don't have to talk if you don't want to."

Tumnus hesitated for a second before shaking his head and saying, "No, I can tell you."

Lucy's heart swelled with pride as he said those words for she realized then and there that he trusted her. And more than that he considered her special enough to share a secret with.

"I was eight years of age. My mother and father and I were living in a small house in a little forgotten field. I have a lot of memories about that place."

"Good or bad?" Lucy cut in.

"Mainly good. I remember running through the fields with my mother, playing with my father, having picnics and watching the stars come out at night." Tumnus sighed but continued. "My mother got sick. Really sick. Neither my father nor I knew what was wrong with her. One minute she was preparing supper, the next she was bent over holding her stomach. We had no neighbors, no one to turn to. My mother slept in bed all night and most of the next day. She didn't sleep well though, she tossed and turned all night, crying out occasionally, sometimes waking up for brief moments. But she wasn't there when she woke up, it was like she was still asleep."

Tumnus had let go of Lucy as he spoke, and had turned around so he didn't have to look in Lucy's face as he told his story.

"I went to go inside the next morning, but my father stopped me. Told me I couldn't go inside. I asked how my mother was doing and he said it was all over. At that moment I didn't know exactly what he meant, but then I found out later he meant my mother had...died."

"That's horrible Tumnus, I'm so sorry. And I feel so ashamed; instead of weeping I should be happy I still have a mother to go home to, whenever that may be."

"Oh Lucy, I'm sorry." Tumnus said, regret in his words. "I didn't mean to make you feel worse."

Although he wanted nothing more than to give her another hug, he thought it a foolish idea, especially after having made her feel worse. Why couldn't he comfort her, instead of using her shoulder to cry on?

Lucy turned slowly and sat down on the edge of the fountain, situating the folds of her dress around her. Looking over at Tumnus she said, "What would you give to see your mother again?"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Tumnus replied, "Honestly? I would give up living just to see her again. I would die tomorrow if it meant I should catch a glimpse of her tonight. And you, what would you give up?"

Lucy glanced around her, looking out past the garden to the castle and beyond. "I would give up all this. All of Narnia, just to go home and see her again. I love it here, but there are so many things she has missed. My birthdays, Susan's wedding, the birth of Peter's child."

Tumnus looked thoughtful as he gazed at Lucy, "Narnia is my home, I don't think I could give it up."

"But you would give your life?" Lucy asked.

"Yes." Tumnus nodded. "Yes, I would. In a heartbeat. But I could never forsake my home."

"You're a loyal fawn Tumnus." Lucy said, quietly.

"Thank you Lucy."

A minute of pure, beautiful silence passed by before Tumnus cleared his throat and said, "Would you like to come inside and have some tea with me?"

Lucy smiled up at her friend. "I would enjoy that immensely."

"Good." Tumnus said as he offered her his arm. She stood up and took his arm, leaning her head on his shoulder as he lead her inside. When she had first come outside she had thought it would be another long, lonely night but then Tumnus had come out and now she knew she wouldn't have to spend the night alone. She would have her best friend with her, there to talk and comfort her. He was always there for her, had been from the start.

And now that the story of his mother was known by Lucy, she knew it was Aslan's wish for her to comfort her as best she had, just has he had. She was thankful indeed for such a wonderful friend.


End file.
